"I do this...to remind myself that I am strong"

This is going to be one of the most emotional entries of my entire blog.

I started back at Lifetime Fitness in Chanhassen on Halloween 2011. I hadn't been to the gym in almost 2 years, and I really wanted to get back in shape before our wedding. And I wanted to give myself about a year or more to do it. I joined a Team Fitness group with the encouragement of my good friend Carrie. The class was one hour, 3 days a week. It was fun because I met a few new friends. Shout outs also to: Aubrey, Jess & Sabra! ;)
I did the class for about 2 months I think. When it was over, I knew I could push myself harder, so I joined  the Bootcamp Class. This was the class we used to watch in fear. "Those people are crazy!!" That's what I used to think. So crazy me......I joined it. Welcome to serious military workouts.
During my first class (in the summer, we went outside for class a lot), I nearly threw up/fainted/I don't know what - and I had to stop and sit down for a few minutes until I could recover.
But slowly, I learned what to eat before class to help keep up my energy. As it was, over the coming months I drastically changed my diet. I met a few more friends, and I really started to enjoy the class.
From there I did Spin classes, Yoga, and Boxing. Little did I know, this was my saving grace.

Let's back up a little. Two winters or more ago, I joined an Alanon support group. I was in an emotional state of defeat and loss. I was probably at my worst in years, and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I had no one. I needed to know I wasn't the enemy, I needed to know it wasn't all my fault. So I went to Alanon at a local church in town for a few months, the people were amazing, but it just didn't give me all that I needed.

Let's go back to the present:

I met these three ladies in Bootcamp Class, and we started to run a few 5K's over the Spring/Summer. One race just led to the next. I became addicted. We just signed up for everything that sounded fun, and we did it together. I named us "the quad".

THE QUAD....and so it begins. Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure: May 5th, 2012

The Color Run: July 15th, 2012

What was first just a couple gym gals getting together for a fun AM race, and then hitting up the bar afterwards for mimosas, bloody's, & breakfast - turned into friendships I won't loose for anything, and a mutual understanding that fitness CAN HELP YOU. Not just to tone up, loose weight, or eat better. But it can save you.

Lifetime Fitness Torchlight Race: July 18th, 2012

I noticed as I ate better, went to the gym, and did these races - I just FELT BETTER about my life. If I had a bad day, I just went and ran it out. It's a feeling of draining yourself of all energy. Negative energy. Afterwards, you feel self-worth and strength. This is what I needed.

Dirty Girl Mud Run: August 4th, 2012

The Glo Run: Sept 1st, 2012

After a few fun 5K's, I wanted to step it up, double the distance. So, I signed up for my first 10K. Even though in the last 2 miles, I hobbled in pain as one leg cramped and then I got some sort of horrible pelvic pain, and then I was sore for almost 2 days afterwards - I did it! I got my very first medal. I loved it.

My first 10K - TC Medtronic Race, October 6th, 2012

I remember thinking after the 10K, that I could possibly, probably run 10 miles. And I wanted to do it, to challenge myself. There was something in my head that said, "I bet you could go longer, farther, you could do it!!" 

So I did. 

This was my first 10 miler!!! Monster Dash: October 27th, 2012

Tina ("T") and I at the Diva Dash 10k: November 10th, 2012

Diva Dash: 6.2 miles!!

Sometimes it's a song that gets me through a challenging mile, other times I thought of my family, my anger, and all the negative things I've been through and been told. Of all the things I couldn't change, I could only change myself. I would think, "Look at me now. I am strong. I am better then all of that."

On one particular race, they had chalk messages written along the pavement. I remember looking down at one that said, "Who do you run for?" and I thought of my brother Kyle. I do it for him to. He's a runner, and he's a huge inspiration to me. He may just be the only family member that gets it. Gets me. Respects me. Understands why I did what I did. And I want him to be proud of me, if anyone can be.

With Witte & "T" on Thanksgiving Morning: November 22nd, 2012

I really want to thank my three new friends that I made over the past year. Witte, Alli, and "T". They are the ones who did it all with me, and who know exactly why we do what we do. Sure it's a blast, sure it's fun. But everyone has a personal reason to drive themselves. I know theirs, and they know mine.

"You are more then my friends, you helped get me through."

D.I.Y Centerpieces!!!

Sweet Peas Floral - highly recommended!!
http://www.sweetpeasfloral.com/

This cutie 'lil place was the preferred floral company that our hotel works with for weddings in their "reception packages". So I brought Katelyn with me that day for my appt. We went on August 8th.

Look at Katelyn's pretty hairdo that day :)

Katelyn & I were seated in a room at a large wooden table surrounded by different glass bowls and vases. While we waited, we flipped through books to get some ideas for the centerpieces. We met with employee Tara. Tara was super sweet and very nice. She was just as excited and creative as we were!!! She listened to my ideas, sketched things out, and quoted me for what the options would cost.



Here were the pictures for my inspiration:

These photos are from one of many Martha Stewart inspired wedding "themed receptions" that you can choose to have at our resort. But it was out of Erik & I's budget. That, and we are having our reception back home in MN anyway. At the bahamas, our themed wedding CEREMONY was included with our stay, and free to us. So, we wanted to stick with free :)

But I loved, loved, loved this idea sooooo much, that I wanted to re-create it back home in MN. Our hotel reception package gives you a certain amount of money towards your "cost per table" for centerpieces. So with Tara's help, we agreed to basically create this look together, and we could keep it within our budget if I provided the branches, shells, and sand. Sweet Pea Floral would set up, provide all glasswear, and some tropical flowers, etc.

So, what do I do? Head straight to Michael's and buy crazy amounts of shells!!! I also found a wholesale website where I was able to find the other - more specific kinds of shells (like in the above photos).
The only trouble I am STILL HAVING is finding GREY sand! Nearly impossible, unless you want to pay big time for smaller bags. So, it looks like it will be Home Depot that supplies regular bags of sand! But hey - I can't complain at $3 a bag.

http://www.etsy.com/ is one of my top favorite websites, and I was able to find the exact kind of branches I needed....but they weren't red of course! So with Erik's help + Home Depot spray paint =

Your +1

• Some invites went out to married couples, and some invites were addressed to a person and a +1. Either way, when you book in, your total fee is for any two people.
• So, this post is just to let you know that you CAN bring anyone/someone else on the trip.

If your significant other doesn't want to go/can't go, you can choose a family member, a friend, or even someone else who got an invite that needs to pair up. A friend of mine that has already booked in is bringing her aunt.

• But keep in mind that Sandals only has king size beds in ALL rooms (strange but true). It is a "couple's resort"....but many people do go with their friends or family. It's normal.

Travel Agent (updated again 2/16/12)

I spoke with our travel agent Amber over the phone today. The good news is: most people who are interested in coming to the Bahamas are wanting/thinking about about a 5 day stay. Right now the down payment to book in for that is right around $200/per person. (Not too bad!) There's no deadline, you have until this fall to decide if you still want to go! :)
Once you pay your down payment, "you're booked"!!
From here on out you can pay on the trip as you want, when you want, how much you want--as long as it's ALL PAID IN FULL about 45 days before we leave.

The travel agent also said that they will *match prices* if you happen to find any cheaper way to get to the Bahamas. Again, just call Amber! She wants you to, she will answer all your questions!!

I found "The One" !!!!

Sooooo, last night I took three important people with me to David's Bridal in Richfield. :)

I was actually thinking of going dress shopping alone this summer (only because I knew I wasn't going to have the "traditional people" come with me) but the urge to look for a dress just kinda snuck up on me. So I got to thinking of who I should ask to come with me, and I chose...
1. Someone I'd like to be closer to and spend more time with
2. Someone from my family who's opinion I trusted
3. Someone who would have as much (if not more) fun then me!

I have heard a lot of ladies say that they didn't really want to go look for a dress at David's Bridal. Maybe because they felt like it was cheap there or too well known as the "generic place to go". Or maybe they thought they wouldn't find something of good quality or something unique.
But IT IS the easiest place to try first: they have a huge selection (including well known designers) that is always changing, and their prices are very reasonable. Besides, *no one will have any idea what you paid or what the brand name is on a dress.*

Anyway, my consultant was awesome, and she had only been working there for two months! I was actually relieved that she was about my age to. She was very nice, patient, and really easy to work with. I can tell anyone right now, that your consultant is a HUGE part of your experience.

I had printed off three dresses from the David's Bridal website that I wanted to try on, but they only had 1 of them in the store which happened to be "Choice #3", so I was kinda bummed right off the bat. I didn't even end up liking that one when I tried it on (dresses are totally different ON and in person).
So my consultant just kept bringing me dresses to try on in rotations of 2-3 at a time. I was really looking for something unique and non-traditional, something even I hadn't seen anywhere before.
I knew each dress I tried on wasn't "it" almost right away when I would see myself.
The best thing that happened all night was when I stepped out in this one particular dress. I looked at the girls, and my
sister-in-law's eyes went wide, she literally broke out in a rash on her neck, and her face went crimson. There was a pause, and then......"that's MY dress."
OMG. ACKWARD. How embarrasing!!! It was literally the same dress that she had picked out and ordered already for her wedding! But it was so halarious after the ackwardness passed!!!!

Then I remember the moment when I tried on another dress. I recognized it from the website, but I had disregarded it as "not my style". But what the heck, I'd give it a try! It was a smaller size then I thought I could fit in, but after some wiggling, we got it to zipper up! I just remember I had this strange feeling come over me before I even stepped out of the dressing room to see what I looked like. This feeling of, "mmmmm, this could be.....???"
So I stepped out, and I just didn't say "no" right away. I left the dress on, I gave it some time and kept checking it out. I asked to try a full length veil, and then a sash, and then we tried on a few different sashes - until I found what seriously seemed to be THE matching sash, it was so perfect, it just had to be meant for this dress!!
The dress was very appropriate for the Bahamas, it was light weight, it was different & unique, it was......beautiful.
And it was anonymous! :) :)

It was scary though as I stood there. I knew I was going to get it, but it's still very nerve racking making such a big purchase (always) no matter what the purchase.
At David's Bridal when you find your dress and you tell the staff that "this is the one", they have a tradition where they come over to congradulate you, you make a wish, and you ring this gold bell.
I told them that I wanted to make a wish not for myself, but for my brother & my future sister-in-law instead. So I made a wish, and rang the bell in the air. Kind of embarrasing, but kind of liberating.

I went to change out of the dress, and felt my throat tighten like I might cry when I came back out of the dressing room, but I caught myself.

I was so proud to order the dress and the sash, and pay for it in full. NO CHARGING!! :)
I asked my consultant if I could hug her after we had checked out, and I told her manager that she was great to us!
So now in April I will be the proud new owner of a Vera Wang. That's all I will tell you.

I teared up right when we walked out of the store as I hugged the family member I chose, telling her how much it meant to me that she had come, because I didn't have "the traditional people" there that night to witness this huge moment.

But the sadness was quickly forgotten, because I realized that this night and this experience couldn't have been more fun or more perfect....well that, and we were walking across the parking lot to Don Pablos for Taco Tuesday and Margaritas!! ;)

B.W.F. (best work friend)

I only work with two other full time people, and I absolutely love, love, love, them both!! But the one I have worked with my entire time at http://mckeevervetderm.com/ since 2006, is "the other Amy". (Insert: I pretty much built and maintain this website thank Q!)

Cab ride home from downtown Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, many years ago!! 

UGH! What a rocky first year together. It used to be just us running that place during the week, alone a lot, around eachother 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Two alpha females, you can imagine.

But seriously, since 2006 that relationship is one that I need, I treasure, and I hold to a very high standard. That relationship has been through a lot. And I say a lot because she knows EVERYTHING about my life, and about EVERYONE in it (so beware hahaha).

At a co-worker's birthday party 2007

My birthday, summer of 2007

I think a lot of the time people don't think too much of "co-workers" as close friends. But when you sit back and think about it...these people see us and spend more time with us then anyone. ANYONE. (well, except a spouse)
Does anyone else think about this?
So anyway, as the years went by, and the fights became less and less ;) I feel like we became like close sisters. Really. Like a love/hate. Like italian sisters. What I mean is, we can fight big, but we love big: Quoted from the reality show The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
When you're around someone SO MUCH like this, you get to know eachother so precisely, that you know exactly what will set them off, and what will rub them the wrong way. But on the flip side, we think and then say out loud the exact same thing sometimes, it's scary. Bizarre really. Is she my soulmate..? Haha!

Cell phone pic: Out at Friday's happy hour! 2011 

Another cell phone pic: At a bacherette party 2011

We do hang out outside of work to, but not too often. I mean, we see enough of eachother right?! I even call her Grandma my grandma (both of our Grandmas are named Carole/Carol.) I also call her aunts my aunts....they are the FUNNIEST aunts ever!! I wish I WAS truely related! haha!

Amy knows me at my worst, and at my best. She knows the true person that I am, because she's seen my many Gemini sides :)

At my Engagement Party, 2011

We are so close that if I'm hurting, she hurts. If I tear up, she tears up. She's fun, immature, and crazy loud like I can be!  Sometimes we scare people that we've just met.

She makes me laugh so hard I can't breathe, and she makes me so angry sometimes that I'm shaking. She would give me $200 bucks if I needed it today, and she calls me out if I'm wrong about something. That's the way close friends, your best friends, should be. We are POLAR opposites...but we are exactly the same. Funny, but it's true.

brother

It took this whole week, but I finally came to find some inner peace...
In knowing that I can't change your mind.
And so I'm giving up and letting go, you're just not the listening kind.

No friendly advances or softness will coaxe you,
Nothing can get through your thick barriers to break you.
I understand you can't force someone to care for or love you,
But I am feeling this loss, this emptiness... which is you.

I read these words you write, and they burn into me like fire.
Please believe I'm not this person that you think I am,
I'm not selfish, out of my mind, or a liar.

It's so easy for you to say things without even thinking,
Of this dark and bottomless hole in which I am sinking...
You're not here to see the hurt inflicted by your words,
And my memories won't erase what I've now read and heard.

How can you thrive and gain strength from all my fallen tears?
I wonder if I loose luster and slowly die over the worsening years...

I really don't live "the perfect little life" that you think that I do.
How can I prove how much I really need you...?
But I can't change what is, and I can't change what was,
I can only choose my own way, not what anyone else does.

I guess time is not only my enemy, it also is my friend...
Because I choose how I deal with it's passing,
A heart continuing to break / or a heart on the mend.

I'll have a Bahama Mama please!!!

Well, all of our invites went out. Invites were just for the "unofficial" wedding party (closest friends) and immediate family. The destination of our wedding ceremony is in Nassau, Bahamas!! There will be a reception back home in MN in January of 2013, so don't worry, we didn't forget about anyone!
We are super excited!! I cannot wait to see who actually books in and will be joining us in the dead of this coming winter for a vacation getaway! Haha! I call it a vacation, so more people will consider going.

Anyway, this post does contain some important info:

I have gotten some feedback from people checking the Sandals website to get an idea of pricing for booking their stay. This is a HUGE NO NO NO. These prices are not what you will pay! It's no wonder some people are getting sticker shock, it seems really expensive. But it's really not! You have to book through our agent that we've provided. You tell her how many nights you'd like to stay, and she quotes you a price for 2 people (all inclusive) airfare/hotel, everything...and she will also apply a discount code for booking into our group. You only have to put down a deposit to book in, and then you can make payments (how much you want and when you want) over the course of 2012.
*The biggest reason the invites went out a year ahead of time, so there's realistic/adequate time to save.*

Feel free to check out the website for pictures of the resort, and activities of course...don't forget ATLANTIS is like 5 mins away, AMAZING!! A MUST DO!!
*But again, DO NOT refer to the Sandals website for any kind of pricing for booking your trip!

http://www.sandals.com/main/bahamian/ba-home.cfm         ^Sandals Website

http://www.atlantis.com/kids/kidactivities/dolphincay.aspx   ^Atlantis Website

"Happy" New Year!

I look behind me, and reminiscing, I wave goodbye to 2011.

New life came into my world, some lives were also taken,

Bless their souls now shining from heaven…

Many days I felt as though I walked the beach, one set of footprints in the sand.

But I learned those were the times that I was carried,

When the trials and tribulations would not let me stand.

Even though I haven’t seen this friend, I still hear her voice ring true,

Reassuring, when she once told me… “the only way out is through.”

I gaze at photographs that I’ve printed into black and white,

These captured moments get me through, when you’re out of sight.

The burden of my broken family, or the loss of our good friend.

A new sunrise now promises a chance to start again…

I vow to lose the anger, the fear, the disappointment and the pain.

2012 is the year I become a godmother, and the year I change my name.

So my resolution for January 1st, and every day to follow…

Is to accept the things I cannot change, and not be overcome by sorrow.

Three hundred & sixty five days behind us, many new days pending ahead.

Never forget that every new beginning, comes from some other beginning’s end.